I promise.....

I promise myself that I will make healthy choices that will help me live a long a vibrant life.  I also promise myself that I will be kind to myself. I promise that I will except myself as I am, and to love the journey to who I will be.  When I get there I will love myself then too.  I promise that this journey doesn't define who I am but will help shape who I will become. I promise that I will love with all my heart, live with my energy and laugh with all my joy.  On days that I feel down, that I don't believe in myself, I will PROMISE to take the time to read this.  I will honor these promises to myself as much as if I have promised them to another.

The a new journey starts

Official I started last week, but I'm starting a new book "Fat be gone"  It is more about the mental side of losing weight.  How we talk to ourselves, how to stay motivated and relieve stress.  The first journal entry is what this particle journey means and why I want to take it.

I have struggled with my weight since I was a teen.   Up down, more up, kids, up, up and up.  I lost about 40 pounds 4 years ago.  Then my life got crazy. I had  many things that cause lots of stress in my life.  I was heavily into boy scouts, on both the local and district level, home schooling 3 kids and having a teen that I thought would go to high school but decided to stay home.  I made many mistakes and really beat myself up for all the things I think i failed at.  Needless to say I gained all my weight back and topped out at an all time high of 268.00.

Over the last year I have dealt with my failures.  The biggest one is that I felt I failed my daughter with keeping her at home for High School,even though it was her choice.  I didn't spend as much time with her as I should have and being pulled between her younger brothers and her they normally won.  It was a very hard time for her and I'm deeply sorry that caused her pain.  Mother guilt is the worst.  The best part is I have a wonderful bright daughter that is making her way.  It might take a while to get where she wants but she is happy. Secertly if she lives with us forever I don't mind...lol.  Cubscouts, my commitments for them are done.  (sigh of relief)  My oldest has moved onto boy scouts and my youngest will in the fall.   I do plan to be part of the troop but not nearly in the same way, and stress will be more of enjoyment then anxiety.  Homeschooling was another stresser.  Both boys will be going to public school in the fall.  I'm scared but excited.  I know this will be best for them and for myself.  My oldest son and I have been fighting so much, it has just been awful.  He needs me to just be his loving mother.  I'm working part-time and this also help with keeping me busy along with help out a little with bills.  I'm very very blessed that my hubby makes a good living and provides everything that we need and more then a little extra wants.

On to why this journey.  Even though I am heavy I have been lucky to not suffer from, diabetes, high blood pressure, or high cholesterol.  I can't do everything I want to though.  Like riding rides at parks.   I just don't fit.  Which is mortifying for me and disappointing for my kids when I can't do stuff with them.  Both boys are scouts.  I want to do stuff with the troop.  Go camping, go on hikes, go to summer camp.  I am to heavy to really enjoy these activities at this time.  My weight is holding me back from living the life that I want to live.   I worry that my health has been good for this long but how long will that last.  I need to be proactive about it.  Plus I have to say I would like to be a hot grandma...lol.  I'm not a hugely vain person but I love my hubby and even though he desire me I want to feel like I deserve it.  Like I have work to keeping myself looking good for both him and myself.  Don't get me wrong my husband is the most wonderful man and loves me just as I am.  But I want to be better for him.   So there you go.  Blog one done!

Second versus same as the first (week two)

Going into the second week going strong, I even lost over the weekend.  YEAH.  This week I lost a total of 5.6 pounds!!!  It is harder over the weekend and I gave myself more free range.  Saturday I had lunch (lunch was very healthy) and dinner (not so much) and only one shake.  Sunday I had two shakes and dinner.  Dinner wasn't very health.  BBQ ribs, buttered corn and baked beans.  I did watch my portion so that was good.

I'm excited about this week.  Have my dinners planned out and will include lots of fruits, veggies, lean protein and healthy carbs.  I'm hoping that I can loss at least another 5 pounds until it finally slows down to the 1-2 pounds a week fazes. I'm walking on Tuesday and Thursday.  I need to actually do some sort of workout on M, W, F but I'm not really thinking about that yet.  After some of the weight comes off I'll start with some weights.

My biggest worry is my skin.  With so much to lose I'm a little afraid that I will be saggy.  I guess I will cross that bridge when it comes to.  I'm also reading a new book "Fat be gone"  It is about eating healthy but also thinking health.  I might end up with daily blogs from there.  We will see.  I'm about to read day one right now.

Go me!!!  One week in to my Journey.

Weight loss log

Date           Weight         Amount lost        Total lost
6/8/15          264.8
6/15/15        259.2           5.6                        5.6

The Plan

        I want to document my progress and this seems as good as any.  Let me tell you why I wanted to start this program in the first place.  I have been tired, bone tired, and fat, really fat.  My boys are starting boy scouts which means lots of physical activity.  I want to keep up with them.  Go on hikes and not feel like I"m dying.  Sleep outside and not moan and groan the next day.  In addition my health.  I have been blessed so far with good health.  Blood pressure, cholesterol, blood sugar are all good for now.  How long will that last?  I'm turning 47 this year in October.  I don't feel old and I like to keep it that way.  Several of the ingredients in the shake are "super foods"  with high amounts of vitamin, minerals, good fats, and other proprieties to starve of disease and aging.  Not that getting old is bad just all the aches, pains and complication that comes from living in the modern age.  One of my biggest fears is Alzheimer's disease.  Maca Powder has many anecdotal evidence that it protects against it.  That good in my book.

       I want to blog my experience on the journey.  This is good for me to write it down but also to see if what they say is true.  Will my libido and energy improve, will I lose weight, will my skin glow.  This we will see.  I actually started on Monday at 264.8 (yikes)  today I weight 261.2.  3.6 pounds in 4 days.  Of course this is water weight and such so it doesn't really count.  We will see really result over the next couple weeks and months.
 
       My final goal is to lose 90 pounds.   It really is 100 but 90 sounds so much more doable.  I also want to increase my fitness level and compete in a 5k in the fall.  Next summer I would like to be at Boyscout summer camp all week and complete the 1 mile swim with my son.  One on my smaller goals is to lose 40 pounds by my birthday in October.  That gives me 4 months.  Below is my program outline.   I"m giving up all bread, white flour, and sweets (I will have some that are made with paleo ingredients on occasions.)   The one thing that I'm keeping for now is my coffee with creamer.  I might give it up later on, we will see.

The basic idea:

2 Shakes
2 snacks
1 Balanced dinner
Lots of water!!!

Shake:
2 cups water
2 scoops of Vegan smart Chocolate all in one.
1 Tbs Flaxseed
1 Tbs Cocao Nibs
1 tbs Camu camu powder (this is omitted from the second shake)
1 tbs Maca Powder
1/4  Avocado

Snacks
2 hard boiled eggs - Morning
1 piece of fresh fruit - afternoon

Dinner:
4-6 oz of lean protein
1 healthy starch - (no bread)
2 veggies

Its a brand new day.

I'm tempted to just start a whole new blog.  So hard to look back and see I weighed 219.8 and now I weight 255.6 after losing 3 pounds.  Weightloss isn't for sissies.  But as I said today is a brand new day to make smart choices and to look and feel great.  I need to remember that I can be great at any size not to weight for the perfect size to say ahhh now i'm good.  I'm good NOW!  The choices I make today will  make tomorrow even better.  I'm going to live each day to the fullest.  I can only live in this moment so I better damn well enjoy it.  The past had its moment, the future will have its moments,  I claim today as my moment!

I CLAIM TODAY AS MY MOMENT!!!

Happy eating

Where is the wagon??

OK, I have falling off the wagon so bad i don't even know where the damn thing is!  I was looking over my past entries and one thing is for sure this is for life.  There are no quick fixes and if I don't watch what I'm doing the weight will come back, and boy does that suck.  To be back here.  I have been beating myself up for weeks about it.  Every time I look in the mirror.  Lets just say I haven't been saying very loving things.

First issue this whole thyroid thing.  So easy to use it as an excuse for gaining weight, which it is and isn't.  Yes I did feel like crap, yes my energy was low, but I also ate like crap and didn't workout.  Hmmmm and I gain weight image that.

Gluten free diet.  I have been going back and forth about this.  The last couple of days I haven't cared what I ate and if it had gluten in it.  Well today I really feel crappy.  I feel swollen, have a killer headache and stomach cramps, we know what comes after that.  So I think it fair to say I should stay away from Gluten.  Its really not that difficult but somedays.......

Lets get the whining out of the way first.  My hands hurt, this time its my pinkies, don't know what this is from.  I had run out my thyroid meds for about two days and then they start hurting so I'm thinking something to do with that.  I'm hoping it will go away soon now that I have more meds.  Right foot - still have the planter fasiteis or whatever its calls.  Hurts in the morning and anytime I sit to long.  Left ankle - I think I must have pulled my Achilles tendinitis.  I have a huge knot on the back of my leg.  Mental state - Depressed and moody, not loving life at the moment, questioning everything I do.

This is what I know about myself, I procrastinate all the time.  The weird thing is it makes me crazy.  I worry about all kind of stuff and when I get off  my butt and do it I feel so much better  So why do I procrastinate.  Makes no sense, but when have I ever made sense...lol.

Now for the plan.  I love making the plan...lol  Doing the plan is not my strong point.  I like being the muse  follow through not so much.  So I need to step up, put on my big girl panties face the realities of the situation and change them.  I am in the drivers sit.  I can do anything or nothing the choice is mine.  No one is making me do this.  So - am I ready?  YES.

Ok I think the best thing for me is to basically eat the same thing during the day and vary dinner.  That has always worked the best in the past.  The problem is what to eat for lunch.  Since gluten free has made that a bit harder.  I think I will add in Oats.  People are on the fence about them being gluten free but you can buy ones that says they are.  I will add them and see how it works for me.  You can use oats for a lot of things instead of flour.

Off to Sparks to plan out some meals.  I will checking in with results from the journey.